And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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