What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
