I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
