Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
