we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
