Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
