he told me I talked like a deaf person
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
