how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
