How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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