Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
