Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vagina is officially offended.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
