Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
