come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
