it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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