i just had sex bonerless
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your cock deserves a montage
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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