apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize