I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im holly from the hills drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Two words: blizzard sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
