We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
