guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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