Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
