I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
