I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
