you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize