First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize