is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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