Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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