I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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