shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
