MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
