at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
