I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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