I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
