K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
