brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I want is dick and wine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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