Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
