I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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