Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize