i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
