when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
