We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize