If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
