you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
