My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
