problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
