Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize