I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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