Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
