They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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