There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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