brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
