Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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