ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
