Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
