My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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