No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
