I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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