Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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