My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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