I want to have your abortion
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
