Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize