college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
