that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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