i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
