I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my shit smells like andre
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
