No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
