12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
