I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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