Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
