Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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