Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just google imaged poop.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
