): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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