Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You are the jesus of drinking
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
