she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
