If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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