How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
