Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
