if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
