i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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