I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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