Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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