you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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