Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
