I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
