Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
