Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
