she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize