He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
