This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
