It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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