dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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