and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
