I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
