Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's always time for handjobs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
