so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
