if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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