none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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