i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
