He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
