Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
