Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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