it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
