On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
