so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
