Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
