Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize