i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
