so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
