you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Come see our sink grown plant.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
