Three words: puerto rican gang bang
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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