It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
