I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize