Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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