Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
